Thursday, December 24, 2009

STORY; How the Heather Stole Christmas

Way down in Georgia, where the peaches grow lived a happy family stringing up the mistletoe. This family liked Christmas a lot but the Heather who lived with them did not. "All the singing and presents tied up with string annoys me so much i dont want to give a thing!" Cried the angry Heather grumpy as a horse, she hated her happy family without remorse. "The worst are my two little nieces, i should jump up and down on their gifts and rip them to pieces!" No one quite knows why the Heather hated Christmas night, perhaps it was because her bra was two sizes too tight. Maybe it was because nail polish fumes went to her brain or maybe she sat on a big candy cane. Why Heather hated Christmas is still unknown but it probably has to do with the bill for her cell phone. "I can't take this holiday for one more year!" Yelled the cranky pants, "I'll stop Christmas from coming and then do a dance!" Then that mean old Heather do you know what she did? She got an idea, a horrible mean rotton idea that will make you flip your lid. "Oh I'll just stop Christmas from coming this year and then the only presents my family will get is a big fat tear!" The Heather went back to her cave (garage) and started to put her plan into action! Making a Chris Cringle suit so she could ruin her family's holiday would give her satisfaction. Pepper, Sable and Max had sticks tied to their heads as her innocent nieces slept soundly in their beds. Off she rode in a sleigh made from clay, off to her brother's house laughing all the way. She slunk up to the house, so quiet it was even for a mouse. She looked in the window where there was a perfect picture of Christmas cheer but she would ruin this image to make them think Santa was never here! "It's time for me to do my worst, these stupid looking stockings will go first!" Growled the rude Heather, moving around the house as light as a feather. The Heather worked liked fire, taking all she saw that big fat liar! She took their presents and their decorations, she took their holly leaf, why that stingy old Heather even took their roast beef! Heather took a Christmas cup then she would go to the chimmeny and stuff the crap up.
All of a sudden there was a small noise from above, soft like the coo of a dove. It was her baby niece who woke up, she came into the living room and said, "Sup." Heather began to sweat and shiver, what lie could she quickly deliver. "Why Santa, why are you taking our Christmas tree?" We all know Heathers are creative and she could lie on the spot, she came up with a perfect story to tell the tot. "This tree is too small for such a nice kid, I''ll go get you a bigger one and thats what i do done did." Fooling a small child is as easy as 1,2,3 and Heather secured her taking their tree. "Alright Santa, that sounds great, by the way, did you lose some weight?" "Why yes little girl i lost some weight, yet it didnt help me find a date..." With that the girl went back to bed, Heather wouldn't have to knock her over the head. She got back to work right away, destroying her family's Christmas day. And when she had finished the job she left the house and twisting the door knob. All she left on their walls was black spray paint that says, "you suck," and some hooks and wire not even adding up to a buck. She laughed and giggled as her dogs pulled the sleigh, "Now try to have a nice Christmas day!" Nearly dawn when Max let out a yawn, but the Heather was wide awake, she wanted to laugh so hard she would shake. "They'll be waking up right about now and I know just what they'll do, they'll come out of their rooms and say, boo hoo hoo!" She put her hand up to her ear and listened for a hear. Then she heard a sound but it wasn't that bad, no, it was a happy sound, not sad. "Those pukes! They sings! I took their Christmas, I took their things!" Heather tried to stop Christmas from coming but she could not, Christmas is more than gifts and food it can't be bought. "Maybe Christmas," said the Heather, "Means much more, perhaps its the thought?" And some say, what happened that day, on mount deer gut, was Heathers bra burst open as if it were cut. She got a massive smile on her cute face and she realized what she had done was a disgrace. "I will return these presents to my family, ill be such a hero, they will rate me at 10 and not a zero!" Heather flew down the mountain side happy with glee to return the gifts to her big family. And Heather, was the happiest of all because she learned Christmas doesn't come from the mall. Heather learned the true meaning of Christmas is inside each one of us, there is no need to be stressed and make a fuss. Heather had the best Christmas ever that day and her Christmas spirit lasted through the month of may. Her family loves her just the same, even if their Christmas never came. THE END

Sunday, December 13, 2009

YOUR HOROSCOPE FOR THE DAY IS.....

ARIES: You're the kind of person that annoys everyone around you. Avoid social gatherings because although you get an invite, its only out of pity and you aren't really welcome. Suicide is still your best option at this point.

TAURUS: You may find yourself at odds at work and home when you find out your spouse is cheating on you with your boss. Getting upset won't help the situation, just accept the fact that you're a loser. A new career is in your future....because your boss is going to fire you.

GEMINI: Explosive diarrhea will continue to plague your love life, not that it really had much effect on it anyway. You will finally find the source of that horrid smell coming from your bedroom. You will find your long lost cat, in your bedroom. Allow the stars to guide you, they can't mess up any worse than you already have yourself.

CANCER: Your patience for that promotion at work is finally paid off when someone else gets the job. Expect travel in your near future as you take a trip to the state prison on fraud charges. Take comfort in knowing you were innocent of the crime. The stars predict a new lover comes into your life.

LEO: Your sex drought finally comes to an end when you're raped by a bigfoot. Nobody believes your story and you will end up in a mental hospital where killing yourself won't be easy. Better tie up all loose ends before your camping trip.

VIRGO: Spend time with the person that means the most to you, your hand. The stars predict a harsh winter for you, your food stores have not been filled as much as they should have been. Last minute acorns can be found under your neighbors tree, he is feeling trigger happy today.

LIBRA: Go ahead with your big idea, even if people call you crazy, insane, stupid, dumb, ugly, gay, retarded, moronic and smelly. A large sum of money is in your future when you get fined by the police for mooning them and then lying about it being a weather experiment.

SCORPIO: Get that costly sex change you've been after, you aren't fooling anybody. Eat hamburgers until you have the answer that you've been waiting for. Look for a LEO to really piss you off today, and tomorrow and the next day.

Sagittarius: Cancel that big trip, you have to plan for a funeral. Spend your life savings on something fun but don't go overboard, no one likes a show off. The stars show a lot of confusion has entered your life, to clear this up ignore everything important to you.

CAPRICORN: How many times do you have to fail before you just give up? At least once more say the stars. The cosmic powers have had enough of your pathetic attempts at trying to make something of yourself. Go to that special spot you like to spend time in and stay there for a week.

AQUARIUS: Food and water is overrated, do what you want to do even if it means jail time. Blame others around you for your short comings. You will step in dog poop and track it into your important interview which will ruin your chances of getting that new, better, good job.

Pisces: It's all over. You're going to die, sure we all are but a lot sooner and quicker for you. It will be painful and terrible and there is no way around this. Crying about it won't solve anything, suck it up you big cry baby. After all you are doing the world a favor. Say goodbye to your true love, your goldfish.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

HOLIDAY: Halloween, my Jack-o Lantern



This year i decided to go with a white pumpkin. It's pretty much the same thing only its pure white, giving your Jack-o Lantern a special look. I never did one of these kind before tonight but i really liked how it turned out. It wasn't as messy as a normal orange pumpkin. I'm pretty classic with my pumpkins, i don't do characters or goofy faces or scenes, i like the old school scary looking Jack-o Lantern. I tried to make this guy look like hes going to fly through the night and tear off your face, and enjoy every second of it too. Welp, i just wanted to say Happy Halloween everybody. I could do a rant on this holiday and how people are trying to do away with it and all that junk, but i rather just enjoy it, but that's my two cents.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

My Short Story, "Strike of the Bigfoot"

It was daybreak. The suns rays were now lighting up the landscape. Luke was happy to see the light, the darkness frightened him a bit. Sure he had been out in the woods before, but never totally alone. Today was his very first day of buck season and his father let him sit all by himself. Luke wanted to make his father proud, he wanted to prove that he could bag a trophy white tailed deer, like all those hanging on their wall back home. The forest was filled with its usual sounds, tiny birds chirping to each other, squirrels chattering as they hurled verbal abuse towards one another. The ground was white with a new dusting of snow and Luke could see his own hot breath on the icy cold morning air. “A deer had better show up right about now,” Luke thought to himself, already feeling irritable and impatient. Patience was not one of young Luke’s strong points but is it for any 12 year old? A strange looking black rock caught Luke’s attention, he didn’t remember seeing it there before but rocks don’t just get up and move. The black rock then, as if by magic, grew arms and legs and stood up and started to walk. “What in the hell is that animal?” Luke said out loud to himself. No animal walks upright like that, but that clearly isn’t human either. Puzzled and a bit scared Luke realized he had lost sight of the mysterious creature. It was gone and Luke was all alone again. No longer could he hear any of the animal noises he had been listening to all morning, it was dead silent. Then he heard a twig snap and he slowly turned his head to the right.
There he was, standing in front of Luke, the legendary Bigfoot himself! With his mighty arms stretched above his huge head, he stood over 8 feet tall. The creature was covered in hair and there was a stench about him that could peel paint off of a house. His human and monkey looking face showed furious anger. His massive jaw hung open baring his human-like teeth, all but the k-9’s, which hung in his mouth like daggers, dripping with saliva. The monster’s beady little eyes were solid red, like flames they flickered with fury. His claws were sickles, each one sharp enough to cut tree trunks in half. He was here, he was real and he was fucking pissed off. Then, all of a sudden a deep rumble began in his throat, his chest swelled and the Bigfoot let out this, god-awful roar. It shook the very tree Luke was sitting under. If Luke hadn’t been frozen with fear he would have covered his ears. Luke’s chin shook, he wanted to cry or scream or call for help but nothing came out, nothing came out other than urine. Luke peed his pants.
Like an angry worried mother, Luke’s mind was yelling at him, “Shoot it! Shoot it!” Luke’s hands clenched the gun but when they became tight they began to tremble and shake violently, he couldn’t hold it any longer because he was petrified with fear. The rifle slid slowly off his lap and onto the ground. The Sasquatch reached down, never taking his glare off of Luke’s terrified eyes. He picked up the rifle and held it at both ends with his brown dirty mitts. The colossal biceps bulged and flexed. He started to bend the gun, the metal creaked under the pressure and the wood cracked and splintered until the once straight gun was in a U shape, then with a half hearted toss to the side he threw the gun. That very gun brought down elk, deer and even a bear, but it was now as useless as the other sticks it lied next to in the snow.
The horrible beast took a step toward the frightened young hunter with his humungous foot. He reached out with his terrible meat hooks and grabbed Luke by his jacket. The coat was big so the Bigfoot had an easy time gathering the boy in his clutches. He pulled Luke in closer as he lifted him up in the air. The monster’s ugly awful face was now just inches from Luke’s. Luke could smell the stank breath of the Yeti, he could even see the rotting flesh caught in the huge teeth of whatever it was the creature had just killed and ate. Luke knew this living myth was just going to rip his arms out of their sockets and there was no avoiding it…or was there?
Luke remembered what the police who came to his school taught the kids. His mother also told him the same thing. There was but one way to dispatch a full grown man, no matter what his size. One special area, that if struck, would render a man incapacitated, allowing for an escape. It was Luke’s only chance. He looked down to the V where the bulky thighs met, this was his target. Luke pulled back his leg, this was easy because he was dangling in mid air like a butchered side of beef. The boy imagined a red rubber voit ball bouncing towards him in the most important game of kick ball of his short life. Luke was going for the home run. The desperate child wound up and kicked, he used all his might, all his strength, all his power, Luke put every bit of him into that kick and it was a direct hit. The enormous creature’s hideous face went from pure rage to a blank look, then tears swelled up in his red eyes, which now had lost their tiny flicker of wrath. A revengeful evil little grin started to spread across Luke’s face. Then the immense brows of Bigfoot furrowed, they came together so tight that they could have snapped a stick in half. His eye’s squinted and they glowed a furious red rage again. Sasquatch’s nostrils flared and Luke could hear the air being sucked in. His ivory teeth grinded together so rigid that Luke actually thought they may break. Bigfoot’s grip tightened and a low rumble, like a distant thunder clap, began to grow deep within his body. The sound came rushing up the throat like a geyser. His jaw dropped to 180 degrees and he let out the world’s most dreadful scream ever uttered by any living being since the dawn of time. Luke’s face was covered in spit and his hair was blown back, both of Luke’s ear drums exploded and shot blood out like a fountain. The yell actually broke sticks behind Luke’s head and it could be heard for 3.4 miles in every direction. Rocks split, a nearby squirrel lost his nuts, a bird flew into a tree, a chipmunk fell over dead and Luke, all empty of urine now emptied his bowels.
Luke had thought about death before, most people have. Would it be a car wreck of twisted metal and shattered glass to end Luke’s life? Maybe a rare heart condition would bring Luke to an end. Perhaps a common disease like aids or cancer would finally kill him off. Even in Luke’s wildest dreams and to the depths of his imagination he never, ever, EVER thought his demise would come by a Bigfoot tearing him apart, limb from bloody limb. At this point, in one smooth motion the crypto maniac let go of Luke and regained the clench at Luke’s wrists. Dangling like a rag doll, the abominable snow man began to spin Luke around in giant circles like an Olympic Hammer Thrower. Trees, leaves, sticks, branches, logs, the sky and the ground blurred into one uniform color as Luke spun, with each turn the ape-man gained speed. Luke screamed like a girl. If Luke wasn’t about to die this ride would have been better than any roller coaster on earth. All of a sudden, with a mighty groan Bigfoot released his grip. Luke flew high into the air, he hit branches and twigs, breaking tree limbs as he flew wildly through the forest sky. The tree’s outstretched branches unmercifully whipped Luke’s face as his arms and legs flailed. Like a cannon ball Luke’s body came crashing down through the boughs and landed with a great thud.
Had this throw come in an open field with no resistance, Luke would have easily been tossed 60 yards and slid another 5 yards before stopping. This throw came amongst trees however and they slowed him down so Luke only went about 40 yards. Now Luke would have never considered any part of this to be lucky, but this landing just happened to be very lucky because Luke didn’t end up on a stump or a rock or a log, no, he landed on a soft part of the forest floor. The hairy man let out a triumphant howl and beat his enormous chest with his sledgehammer-like fists. Luke opened his eyes, he began to feel his body part by part, miraculously he was ok, other than the cuts on his face. He could see Bigfoot regaining his composure and started a determined march with a single purpose right towards him. Bigfoot wasn’t done yet and he was coming over to finish the job. With as much gracefulness as a drunkard, Luke tried to get to his hands and knees. The world was still spinning. The last time Luke remembered being this dizzy was when his older sister tied him to a merry-go-round at the park and left him for several hours. In spite of this he had to get to his feet so he could run. The Sasquatch sensed this too and like a great locomotive he charged the boy, great puffs of steam poured out of the beast’s nose. Luke got to his hands and knees but didn’t have the strength to stand, let alone run for his life. The hatred filled Sasquatch was moving now like a tremendous machine. The youth looked over to see the wild man of the woods leave his big feet with a flying leap that would have made any professional athlete jealous. As he flew through the air towards Luke it was as if time slowed down. Luke saw the big foot extended as the creature began his decent. Closer it came with much force and power and all Luke could do was think to himself, “I probably shouldn’t have kicked him in the crotch like that.”

Friday, October 9, 2009

Blast from the Past: THE MYSTERIOUS CITIES OF GOLD





Back when i was 4 years old i watched a cartoon on Nickelodeon. This was and has been one of my all time favorite shows. It was a Japanese/French cartoon that was dubbed in English for American tv. There were only 39 episodes but each one continued the story from the episode before. The music was also outstanding, which i feel had a lot to do with the shows popularity.

The basic plot of the show was that a young boy travels to the new world in the 16th century with two friends in search of El Dorado, the city of gold. There are many people trying to find the city also and the kids have to deal with trouble the entire time. It was a great mix of scifi, history, and anime, very unique even by today's standards. Ill review what i remember and what i loved about this show and take you through each character.

Estaban is the main characters. He was saved from a sinking ship by Mendoza, a sailor who meets up with him much later in life. In the first episode Estaban's care taker, a priest, dies, leaving Estaban alone in the world. Its at this point where Mendoza shows up and says he will take him to the Americas in search of his real father. Estaban is very brave but is deathly afraid of heights due to the fact that unlike anybody else ever in Spain, he can make the sun come out. Sailors would tie him to their masts and hoist him up to bring out the sun for a good voyage. Estaban doesn't believe he can make the sun come out but as time goes by he realizes that he indeed can, this comes in handy many times. (you'll learn why) On the ship he meets a young girl who is a prisoner named, Zia.

Zia is an incan girl who was kidnapped by Mendoza and the Spaniards. They find that they both wear matching madallions, only Estaban's is in a cresent moon shape and Zia's is a full circle. Turns out Mendoza has the inner part of the madallion and has kept it since he saved Estaban as a baby. Mendoza knows that these two madallions are supposed keys for the cities of gold. He also believes that Zia knows the way to the cities, although she doesn't. Zia is known as a child of the sun, Estaban being the only other one.

Mendoza is the bad guy/ good guy. What is he? Its hard to say, everything he does is for greed and for gold, yet he does care for the children and it becomes apparent as the show goes on. Yet we never really know his true feelings. He is a Spanish navigator, trained by Magellian himself. He is trying to get to the cities of gold for pure greed, he tricks Estaban and Zia by telling them what they want to hear, that he will take Zia home and he will find Estaban's father. He is very brave and never afraid to fight. He helps the children through out the series and often is seperated from them.

Tao is the third child of the show. He kidnaps Zia from the beach because he believes she is part of his destiny, as the prophecy says anyhow. He is the last of an anciet civilization of Heva, the people who built the cities of gold and were very advanced as far as technology goes. Tao has a great ship called the Solaris. It is soloar powered and is faster than any Spanish ship that chases it. It can also shoot a heat lazer from the mast when it gathers the sun's energy. Tao is very proud and sometimes smug when it comes to his smarts. Tao goes with Estaban and Zia because he believes that he should be in the city that his ancestors built. Tao carries with him an encyclapedia of his people that has the answers to almost everything the kids need help with. Tao has a parrot named Kokapetl.

Kokapetl is a little green parrot that loves Tao and always repeats words. He alerts the kids of danger by flying ahead and keeping a look out. He is also afraid of Patu, Zia's pet condor that flys by from time to time when they get to South America. I've always wanted a little talking bird like Kokapetl since i saw the show.

Sancho and Pedro are Mendoza's hired sailors. Both are for comic relief and i really liked them as a kid. Pedro is tall and looks like a monkey. Sancho is a fat little guy who stutters. Both are very greedy and will do anything for gold, or the thought of gold. As the show goes on they do get a little more brave and do care for the children as well but their quest for gold never ends. I learned from these two that there is water in cactuses and if youre in the desert you can cut one open and drink from it. Very good lession for a 4 year old to learn!

Golden Condor is a flying machine built by Tao's people. It is found in a temple and amazingly it is solid gold. Sancho and Pedro find that it is some type of vehicle when they are in the cockpit trying to steal jewels. Turns out Zia's and Estaban's gold madallions work as the key. This was a major part of the show, the golden condor really represented the show. I always thought it was cool how the stick in it was a snake. (that scared Sancho and Pedro when they first saw it) With the flying condor they are able to get to many places. The condor cant fly at night however and needs the sun to operate. This is why Estaban's ability to bring out the sun is very important. Estaban also loses his fear of heights after flying in the golden condor.

The Spaniards follow close behind always trying to catch Zia and Estaban in hopes they will lead them to the cities of gold. They do catch them many times but there are many escapes. They are constantly trying though and never give up. They arent the only bad guys on the show, there are many indian tribes and people along the way who add to the adventures of the children.

I loved this show but it hasnt been on tv since about 1990, maybe even 89. For years it was lost and when the internet became very popular i decided to search for this show, not knowing much about it at the time. I thought the show was called the Seven Cities of Gold and back then search engines weren't as good as they are today so i never found anything. Then on September 11th i found a site all about the show. I was so excited and surprised to learn that the name was the Mysterious Cities of Gold. At that point a man who worked at the Penn State computer lab came in and told us terrorists had hijacked planes and crashed them into the world trade towers. I sat there and continued to look at the website i found instead, thats how much i loved this show.

I won't tell you how it ends but even when i forgot just about everything i never forgot the last episode. At the end of each episode it gives a preview of what will happen in the next episode and then it gives live footage of something that the show delt with. It shows Incan temples, Mayan Temples, anciet cities, places and people of south america, and much more. It was a very educational show and there is nothing like it on tv today, which is a shame. I loved this show and still do, if i could find it on DVD i would buy it without thinking but thats just my two cents.

For a ton more info, visit Sailor Heva's Mysterious Cities of Gold page. This site is GREAT and has many pictures, audio clips and music from the show!

Friday, October 2, 2009

THE AUTUMN WIND

The autumn wind is a pirate.
Blustering in from sea,
with a rollicking song he sweeps a long,
swaggering boisterously.
His face is weather beaten.
He wears a hooded sash,
with a silver hat about his head,
and a bristling black mustache.
He growls as he storms the country,
a villain big and bold.
And the trees all shake and quiver and quake as he robs them of their gold.
The autumn wind is a raider, pillaging just for fun,
he'll knock you round and upside down,
and laugh when hes conquered and won.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

REVIEW: Apple iphone

It's time i threw in my two cents in on the famous Apple iphone. Phones of phones! Yours may differ and if you love your iphone, as so many of you do, well then keep on enjoying it. I, however, found the iphone to be worthless.

I'd like to start out by saying i did buy an iphone, which is what i thought was exactly what i wanted, hell i even went to 5 different places before i found any in stock, thats how much these things are being sold. They even just surpassed the RAZR as the most sold cell phone. When i bought mine the lady said i should get the apple protection plan they offer because it will really help cover the cost if the iphone were to break. See if you break your iphone dont panic, you can just by a new one...just not at the same price you just shelled out for it, in this case 199 bucks. You'll have to pay several 100 dollars more because 199 is only the price if you get the 2 year contract, and you have to do that with AT&T. I have nothing against AT&T, in fact i really wanted to switch to them. I asked what my phone bill each month would be in 4 different places, each said 69 something or other. Not too bad for a phone that can do anything under the sun! HOWEVER, what they don't tell you is once you add in the taxes, i would be paying 88 bucks a month...i wasn't thrilled but i still felt it was worth it.

So i get the 69 dollar plan because i heard a lot of these phones break, and rather easily i might add. One guy in best buy even showed me his cracked screen and said it was the perfect phone, other than that. The lady told me id REALLY NEED a protective covering, AND a screen cover because they scratch so easily. Ya know, is it just me or are those BAD selling points? Maybe she didn't think because i already told her i wanted one and most apple buyers are mindless drones that buy whatever apple says to buy, in either case red flags were going up in my head left and right, yet i ignored them and told her id be back to buy all that stuff. You'll hear a lot about iphones breaking and i figured out that the durability of the iphone is somewhere in between an egg shell and a sheet of glass. Too bad there isn't an app for anti-gravity so you'd never drop it.

So i turn it on and really want to play around with this thing, just check it out, get comfortable with it. That was a lot harder than i thought it would be. I couldn't get used to the slididng and touching of the screen. I was constantly clicking on things i didn't want, not clicking on things i did and over scrolling what i was looking for. I think this is just me though because im bad with an ipod as well but this just shows a reason why the iphone was not the best choice for me. I notice that none of the internet things were connecting for me, no itunes, no google, no yahoo, no email, no app store, no weather and im saying to myself, hmm well ill just make a call i guess?

Making a call with the iphone is as easy as 1,2,3.....4,5,6...7,8,9....10. With my old phone i had to press ONE button and hold it in, that was my speed dial and my call was on the way. With the iphone i first had to press the round button to bring back the screen from being black. Then i had to slide that button to unlock the screen. (Here i wont even mention how i had to close out of everything my iphone was trying to do in my pocket due to the screen touching stuff.) Then i had to scroll over to the contact icon. Then i had to click the icon. Then i had to scroll to the name i wanted to call. Then i had to click on that name. Then i had to click on the number in that name and hold it down. Then my call was finally being dialed. Thank you iphone, apple does make things more convient don't they?

Talking on the iphone itself was just annoying to me. Its so short and stubby that youre talking into thin air. I just don't like that, i kept asking if the person could hear me ok because my mouth was no where near the phone itself. Just a preference thing but it annoyed me.

At this point i said out loud, getting into my car on my way to an appointment, "I am NOT impressed iphone.....not impressed at all, in fact you're going to have to get A LOT better to even be half decent." Once at work i was able to really sit down and mess around with my iphone...unless my boss is reading this, in which case i was working very hard. So i still can't connect to the internet which i found makes the iphone pretty much....well, useless! 90% of what it can do is based on being connected to the net. I finally use the school's wifi and connect. It was VERY slow, im talking dial up slow. Again, not impressed with all this great internet talk. I went into that app store that i really wanted to utilize. I found you had to pay for all the best stuff, most of which was in the 4.99 range. That isn't so bad but buy several of those a month and you're screwed, after all my first bill was going to be 136 bucks because of the activation fee. So i decide to try out that typing i was looking forward to. See, i hate using a regular phone to text, and the phones with actual keyboards are way to small for me, so hearing that the iphone has keys on the screen that you just touch made me really excited. Again i found myself in disapointment. The keys were still so small that my fat little fingers kept pressing other keys and making it really hard for me to type anything. Now i was really scratching my head at why people were raving about this phone so much.

I went home and tried and tried to get connected. No wifi and that 3G network, that the entire phone is BASED ON, would not connect. No matter what settings i tried it would not work. Later i discovered that the 3G network isn't in my area, so i would have never been able to connect to anything. I didn't know it at the time but i was so pissed i decided then and there why not take it back? Now i wanted to keep it and try it and give it the benefit of the doubt (not that the iphone deserved it at this point) but you could only return it in 3 days, otherwise you wouldn't be refunded...sly AT&T dogs. Well then if that was the case, i would have no choice but to make a hasty decision and return it the very next morning.

The next morning i went into the AT&T store when it opened, they asked what they could do for me and i said, i want to return this. The earth stopped and the girl's heart did too when she pulled an iphone out of the bag. I just made history, the only person in the universe to return the iphone. She of course was shocked and asked what the matter was and i said, "I can't stand it." She looked at me as if i had lobsters crawling out of my nose. Shaking her head in disbelief she went on with the return process, letting me know there was restocking fee. That didn't piss me off because i hated that phone so much i would have paid anything to just be rid of the useless piece of shit. She went on shaking her head in sorrow. (i think it was because she felt sorry for the moron who was returning God's gift to cell phones.) She asked if i wanted to just get another phone and keep my AT&T plan but i said, "No, im going back to Verizon." They give my company a discount, not AT&T so why not go back to them?

I went to Verizon to look at some new phones. Turns out they make one called the blackberry storm, now i didn't know this but its just an iphone in every shape and form. In some ways its even better in others its not. The lady told me there that the 3G network isn't in that area and many people end up doing what i did. Thank you assholes at the AT&T store for not telling me that little bit of information, after all thats the entire basis of the iphone, ITS EVEN IN ITS NAME, THE IPHONE 3GS!!! fuckers. What i liked about the blackberry storm is that when you pressed on its screen, it actually moves and makes the click noise, something that i thought was better than the iphone. Its network, since it uses Verizon has the better range and i would find conncecting to the internet would actually happen in my house. Also go ahead and try to copy and paste something on the iphone, you won't be able to, but you can with the storm! I didn't end up getting one because the bill would be the same each month and they tried to upsell me screen protectors. So im just phoneless at the moment and i gotta tell you...its not that bad.

If you love your iphone, fine, thats your opinion and youre entitled to it. I just didn't. I didn't like spending all the money, i didn't like the inconvienice. I know Apple is known for making things sooooo easy and simple to use but when they made a phone that could do anything anyone would want they stepped into unknown territory because i really think they failed miserably. There is no way you can make a phone so complex and simple to use, and in my opinion they didn't. Without the internet the iphone is just a phone and as a phone it isn't near worth 88 dollars a month so getting rid of it was really in my best interest. So that was my experience with the iphone, if you love yours or want one, thats great and i hope youre happy with it. I just feel Apple could sell crap in boxes if they said you need it. I bet there are a lot of people out there who aren't as happy with their iphone as they thought they would be or that let on but God forbid anyone be the first to say it. I think its a lot like the story of the emporor's new clothes. No one will speak up about the truth they see right in front of their faces. I guess im the little boy in the crowd yelling out, "HE'S NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES!"

To grade the iphone, for being a phone and making calls i give it a C. Not great but adequate. For all the cool things and apps it has id like to give it an A, but since i couldn't use them and a lot of them do cost money i give it an F. For color choices, black or white again an F because come on Apple, there are more than 2 colors people like. For the ability to do just about anything ill give it an A, because it really can do whatever you want er...wait a sec....not copy and paste like the blackberry storm, make that an A-. For me the Apple iphone 3Gs was like a car without wheels. Sure i could sit in it, the radio worked, i could open the doors and trunk and it looked cool, but if you can't drive it then what use is it? But that's just my two cents.

Monday, September 7, 2009

SPORTS: Fourwheel riding





My cousin Michael, his fiance Katie, Maria and i went four wheel riding Labor Day weekend. We had a lot of fun. Where are our helmets? Maybe we should have though. We did a lot of jumping, as you can see by the pictures and a lot of jumps equals a lot of fun! Im glad i bought this fourwheeler, its loud and powerful and most importantly its a Polaris. Everyone should go for a good old fashioned dirty ride on a fourwheeler, but thats my two cents.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

LIFE: Turkeys


So i got a few turkeys. One is for Thanksgiving but the other two are just for me. In the spring time i plan to collect their eggs and incubate them, getting baby turkeys. The darkest one is a Black Spanish Turkey, he is the one who has a predetermined date with an ax. The white and black one is my male, or "tom" he is a Royal Palm turkey. The little blue one is the hen and she is a Blue Slate turkey. Keep in mind although they look full grown they still have a lot of growing to do, they are only 15 weeks old at the moment. There will be more updates on the way and maybe even a video or two.

INTERVIEW: Mr. Yuck

Hello and welcome to my interview with Mr. Yuck, sticker icon. For years since 1971, this green symbol has shown children and stupid adults everywhere what poisonous chemicals they should stay away from, Mr. Yuck, how are you?
Mr. Yuck: How am i? LOOK AT ME, how do you think?? I'm yucky of course.
Andrew: Haha, so you are. Tell the people at home how you feel about being the big ugly green face that makes children stay away?
Mr. Yuck: Well, when you put it like that...
Andrew: How would you put it then, i thought that was spot on?
Mr. Yuck: Look, i saved 1000's of lives over the years pal, that's enough for anybody to be happy with, i don't care what people think of me.
Andrew: Yes, since 71 you've been around and yet recently we haven't seen much of you, why is that?
Mr. Yuck: Its sad, but parents today don't really care if their children play, "drink whats under the sink." In fact, if anything, they hope for it!
Andrew: Its a fact that you replaced the skull and cross bones as the symbol for poison. Those were pretty big shoes to fill, wouldn't you say?
Mr. Yuck: Oh yes, it was a big deal, back then people just put bones on everything but kids thought that Draino was some kind of pirate drink, so they'd down the whole bottle before they realized their stomachs were eaten out.
Andrew: Facinating if true.
Mr. Yuck: I was created to be a friendlier sign of danger. It wasn't just poison you know, sometimes i would show up on medicine or anitfreeze or even poorly wired electrical cables.
Andrew: I read that they tried many symbols in a test with children, including the skull and crossbones, a red stop sign, you and others but you were found the most effective!
Mr. Yuck: My face says it all, you don't piss with whatever im hanging on.
Andrew: Mr. Yuck you're a jack of all trades! Being from Pittsburgh is a surprise to me, i would have guessed New Jersy or somewhere crappy like that.
Mr. Yuck: Believe me, i've spent a lot of time in New Jersy but i was created in Pittsburgh yes.
Andrew: If you could just clear something up please. Around your head it says, "Mr. Yuck means no." But i thought no means no? Explain.
Mr. Yuck: ..........Someone should put my face on this interview.
Andrew: Well there you have it, beloved poison icon Mr. Yuck, you should give him a thanks if you never drank poison, but thats just my two cents.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Life: My sister totals her car, watch my mom's reaction to hearing the news for the first time!

Well my little sister Larissa totaled her car. Don't worry, shes ok. So was the other woman...their cars however, not so much! I got the news before my mom and as luck would have it someone had to tell her and the lucky person got to be me! So here it is, this isn't staged or rehearsed, its the real deal. Please excuse my mother's bad language. I'm just glad it wasn't me. Also the clip starts with Annie and me outside waiting for my mom, notice how Annie is wagging her tail as if she finds this just as funny as i do.
video

Saturday, July 11, 2009

LIFE: Bantams at 3 months













The little bantam chicks are all grown up it would appear. They will be 3 months old next week. I think once the roosters crow and the hens lay an egg it is official, but they look full grown anyway. There are only five now. A few weeks ago something got into the pen and killed the black non-frizzle one and a week before that one of the red ones escaped and was never heard from again.

These are the survivors. I have two roosters, one with yellow feet and one with white feet. I'm not sure if that means anything but at the very least its a good way to tell them apart. The other two red ones are hens and then there is the black frizzle. She still remains by far the coolest chicken. She is also the friendliest and seems to have very little fear. They live with the pheasant chicks at the moment and the chicks that my dad got. Among those new chicks is a bantam, not a cochin bantam like mine but some other type. He's a little fighter as I've seen him start things with the other chickens already. My dad tried putting them with his chickens but they attacked the bantams so he had to take them back out. His big mean barred rock got the ax a week ago... i guess that's what you get for pecking the hand that feeds you!

I'll keep updates on my bantam chicks, who are now chickens i guess. The frizzle is going to be entered into the Harmony Fair this year, and maybe, just maybe I'll get that elusive blue ribbon that i never got in all the years of the fair.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

HOBBIES: soapstone carving, eskimo kayak



Well i finally finished my second attempt at soapstone carving. I went big with this one even though its only my second try. I decided to make an Eskimo hunter in a kayak. They were two different pieces of rock so their color turned out to be different, which now im glad that they did. It was the first time i had to do detail and it wasn't easy and i learned a lot from doing it, the next time i do a face it will be much better.

I made the spear out of wood that i had to sand down and i drilled a hole, (by hand) into the Eskimo's hand. It's glued in there just as a precaution and so is he. I have a hole in the guy and the kayak and a small piece of wood, all is glued just to be sure he never falls out.

I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out, although any criticism by me or anyone else can be answered with, IT WAS THE SECOND TIME I MADE A CARVING. So i suppose i don't have much to complain about, i don't want to toot my own horn but take some time and look up soapstone carvings, this one looks pretty damn good compared to a lot of whats out there. However its pretty crappy to a lot of whats out there too. Everyone has their own style and its too early for me to even know what mine is just yet. I already have a list of things i want to make including a standing polar bear, a walking grizzly bear, a musk ox and Sedna. (she will have to wait a while until i get even more tools, more skills, more practice and more experience.)

It is father's day so i gave this little guy to my dad in hopes in ends up on his trellis. It also took my dad all of two minutes to break this guy's arm off. Yes, he broke it. It took me hours to make and it took seconds to break, funny how that works out. It was a clean break and will be glued and no one will ever be able to tell.

And so my second carving is now complete. What's next for me? I need some more soapstone, i have some but i'd like bigger hunks of it so i can make bigger sculptures. So until then my inuit hunter will ride the waves of my imagination, hunting in the sea of my mind. Perhaps I'll make him a seal or walrus to hunt.....

Friday, May 22, 2009

BLAST FROM THE PAST: The Voyage of the Mimi


PBS had an educational show back in 1984 about a sailing ship that was tracking whales off the eastern coast. The ship was called the Mimi and so the show's name was "The Voyage of the Mimi." Due to the show's success there was a sequel in 1988 called, "The Second Voyage of the Mimi."

Captain Granville and 6 other members used his ship, including his grandson C.T. The show was pretty good, it was only 13 episodes long and each week was another part of their long adventure at sea. It was a show for middle schoolers to learn about science and math in a fun and interesting way. It is still being shown in some schools today because the lessons learned back then can still be applied today. It taught young people a lot, i hadn't seen it since i was 6 years old and i don't remember much, other than i LOVED the theme song.

Way before Ben Affleck was ruining movies in the late 90's and 2000's he was playing C.T. Granville, the 10 year old of the crew who sailed the seas looking for whales and relating to kids everywhere. When Ben Affleck started doing movies many people my age and older said, "That's C.T.!" (As a side note, Ben Affleck's acting abilities are about the same in 2009 as they were in 1984.)

The ship was really owned by the man who played Captain Granville, and it was built in 1933 as a whaling vessel. He owned the ship until 1999 when he sold it. The ship is still sea worthy and docked in Boston. I would really like to see it someday.

With the help of the internet it took me 16 years to figure out the name of this show. 18 years to hear the theme song again, which was one of my favorites of all time. And 20 years to finally see the only episode i remembered. The one thing i NEVER forgot was that you CAN make salt water drinkable, this tv show showed you how. Its worth checking out, the acting is just horrible but if you watched it as a kid you liked it, it has a special allure for some reason. The theme music, which you can find here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYrlarKM-gw is worth listening to at least once. Youtube has many clips and a few episodes from the series. I hope more will be on the way but that's just my two cents.

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Following is closed captioned for the hearing impared

Well i just have to rant about something. I hate ads, i really hate them. You cant get away from them, they are EVERYWHERE. I just can't stand commercials anymore and its been like this for a long time.

It's bad that any clip you want to watch on the internet FORCES you to watch a commercial first, you cant skip it or anything either, you have NO CHOICE but to watch it or miss the clip you're really after. (i make it a point to never buy anything offered on these internet ads btw) So if that wasn't annoying enough now before movies in the theaters they are starting to run commercials. Its like, i came to the movies to watch THE MOVIE, not a commercial i have seen at home or will see at home. It's just very sad in my opinion. Everything is about making money, thats all it comes down to anymore.

If you have on demand, as i do, then you know that even those shows and free movies are putting in commercials, not as often as regular tv, but still one is too much for me. And very recently i see they are putting commercials INSIDE other commercials! Yes you heard me, probably the worst idea of all time. If you watch MTV you know exactly what im talking about, during their commercial for The Duel 2, they throw in a short commercial for the new Star Trek movie, then go back to the Duel 2's commercial. PATHETIC!

But now, after all that i think i saw the worst of the absolute worst. My aunt is hard of hearing so she has her tv turned on to the closed captions. Well let me tell you, first of all, if you read those, they leave things out people say and they also misspell a lot of the words, especially on espn for some reason? Anyhow before every show and after every show they type up a little ad. That's pretty annoying. The ad was for Volkswagen. Now tell me, because i really don't know, do deaf people drive??? Can they drive, i mean SHOULD they be allowed to drive cars? I really don't think they should, we drivers know a simple horn can save a life and that would do nothing for a deaf person. So my question is, WHY ADVERTISE CARS TO DEAF PEOPLE?

It's just one more way to force people to see an ad they didn't look for as far as im concerned. The people who can't hear the tv don't know it wasn't said, they'll read anything! Then its too late, they already know that Volkswagen has cars. Again, thats about the worst thing to advertise for people who can't hear, maybe an ipod is the only thing thats worse. Either way im sick and tired of all the ads and commercials in this world, enough is enough. Lets face it, if you need something you don't need a commercial about it, you'll buy it if you want it ....but thats just my two cents.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

STORES: the customers strike back against Best Buy

I hate the store Best Buy. Its no lie. I have about 100 reasons i could list off the top of my head but i won't waste your time, you know how it is. The thing i hate the most is the upselling and the fact they say they don't make commission and yet try and try to help you, they go out of their way, to the point they will embarrass themselves so you KNOW they must make commission. Today proved that they must, it was all too obvious.

After being screwed once, my friend went back to buy an imac, this time he took cash and walked right back to the computer section picked up an imac off the shelf and started to walk to the register. This just DOES NOT happen in Best Buy, just getting to the section you want without having some blue shirt asshole pop out and say, "CAN I HELP YOU?" is near impossible. As we turned to walk to the register, without speaking to ANYONE mind you, the computer section guy actually did a double take and his jaw literally dropped. Haha, it was so great to see, you could actually see his body language, he was confused and upset.

At the register as my friend PAID for the computer, the computer section guy actually kept getting closer and closer making it obvious he was trying to see what we were doing at the cash register. Don't make commission hu? Sure did seem very concerned someone was checking out without talking to you, yet you guys DON'T make commission. The douche bag got closer and closer until he actually came right up to me and SPOKE to me. Talk about pathetic.

The little bitch says to me, "Um did you...did you take that off the shelf?" And so i said, "He did, yes." Then he said to me, "oh....well....did anyone help you?" Again a very odd question for someone who should care nothing about a commission, because they DON'T make any right?? So i said loud and clear, "NOPE." He then gave a nervous laugh and said, "Oh...nobody ever did that before...so you guys got everything you needed then?" And i said, "YUP." and he walked away, dejected and rejected. It was a wonderful victory. His face was hysterical. He was visibly upset. Again i must repeat, i was told by an employee as he tried to get me to buy more stuff for my camera, "We don't make commission, im not trying to get any commission, its just a good idea to buy the insurance." Well this douche bag today sure didn't seem like a guy who didn't make commission. And as for him saying no one has done that before maybe its because you hound people the second they walk through the door, you won't let anyone shop, you try to get them to buy more expensive stuff or stuff they didn't want or need in the first place, maybe THAT'S why nobody ever did that before, because you didn't give them the chance.

Please Best Buy admit it, you DO make commission and you were PISSED and UPSET that you let 2 grand worth of commission slip through your fingers. I bet the punk still put his name down as helping my friend get that computer, but he didn't. He wasn't asked for help and he didn't even have the chance to jump down our throats with his "help" bullshit. Also the asshole at the cash register told my friend PSU students don't get a discount for macs, yet my friend was told in THAT very store THAT day by someone else they did. Someone better get their facts straight, or someone was lying.

Either way this day does not make up for all the crap that store has put me through but it sure felt good to see the look on that guy's face. Its a small victory in the on going war. My friend stuck it to Best Buy today, soon when i buy my new computer i will do the exact same thing, and i cant wait!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

MUSIC: Lady Gaga


A few weeks ago i heard someone on tv say, "Lady Gaga." I said, what the hell is a Lady Gaga? Then i forgot about it. In the next 5 days i heard about this Lady Gaga person about 10 times which got me thinking, seriously...who is THIS??

I even mentioned it to my friend, saying i heard the term Lady Gaga and now have heard about her so much but i don't know who she is or what she does. He said it was the same for him. So who is this new singer that is taking the country and world by storm? I decided to find out for myself.

I looked up pictures of this Lady Gaga first because i didn't even know what she looked like, let alone what songs she sang. She is a very innovative dresser, very odd at times, not just in her videos, but in real life as well. Her makeup can be extreme and her hair often looks fake. Its easy to see why she is popular. She obviously doesn't get dragged into trends, rather creates them.

I watched a minute or two of 4 of her videos one right after the other and although most sounded the same, (which is just her style) they were all pretty good. Very catchy and dance club-esque. I assume that is where her popularity started and spread to the average listener. I found out she was first a writer for musicians such as, Fergie, The Pussycat Dolls, Britney Spears, and New Kids on the Block. When a producer found out she had a voice, she got a record deal. Some of her more famous songs are, Poker Face, Love Game, Just Dance, and Eh Eh Nothing Else I Can Say. All good songs in my opinion.

She is very original, its easy to see why a lot of people like her. Again her songs are VERY catchy, which is always the recipe for success. She's an American singer, born in New York in 1986. Lady Gaga is just her stage name of course, a music producer compared her vocal style to Freddie Mercury so she took the name Gaga from the Queen song Radio Ga-Ga. Check out her website at www.ladygaga.com/splash.aspx She's a really cool new singer and i'm glad i got to know her, i think 2009 was waiting for a person like her, the time is right as they say, but thats just my two cents.

LIFE: Bantam babies 2 weeks



Well two weeks have gone by and here are the baby bantams, they're growing up pretty fast as you can see. The little frizzle will definitely be a frizzle after all, its feathers are more and more frizzled as the days go by. This box is 3 times the size of their original. It doesn't look bigger because all the chicks are bigger but i assure you it is. I had to put two boxes together. Its the height of box technology. Its still too early to tell who will be roosters or hens.

Friday, April 24, 2009

LIFE: Bantam babies at 7 days



Well i've had the bantam chicks for 7 days now. They have been through 3 cardboard boxes and are really starting to grow. They are eating more and more each day. You can see their progress from day one til now. Their little wing feathers are starting to get a lot bigger You can see tiny tail feathers starting to appear as well. The suspected frizzle is showing little doubt now that that is exactly what it is, as you can see.

Monday, April 20, 2009

LIFE: Bantam surprise, Frizzle??



Well day four and the chicks are already bigger, they are starting to get their little wing feathers. The smallest chick i have is a little black one. (see him in the right picture) I noticed its wing feathers are different from the others so i looked it up and i THINK it might be a baby frizzle! A frizzle is a type of feathering where the chickens feathers do not lay flat against its body but curve outward giving it a very frizzled look. That would be pretty cool if it turns out to be one of these frizzle chickens. Only time will tell and i will keep updates here. Also on day 4 the i saw the chicks using their roost for the first time!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Friday, April 17, 2009

LIFE: BANTAMS ARE HERE!



I got a call today at 7:30 telling me my bantam chicks were in, so i got up and went for them! They are here now, i got 7 altogether, two black ones and 5 red/yellow ones. One of them is pretty much all yellow but i feel its probably the same as the others. They all have feathered legs, which is good cause its what i wanted. They are so tiny! I know chicks are usually tiny but these guys are even smaller due to the fact that they are bantams. No clue to their sexes, may be all hens, may be all roosters but odds are its a pretty even mix. So far they are all doing well, they are all eating and drinking and scratching. More on these little guys later.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Blast from the past: SITCOM KITCHENS

I was watching Hangin With Mr. Cooper the other night and it occurred to me that his show had pretty much the same kitchen set as the Cosby show did. It might have even been the same set, i don't know how Hollywood works. Then i realized something, a TON of sitcoms through the 80's and 90's had their kitchens located in the same place, to the left of a very big living room. I thought of all the left sided kitchens then i thought about all the ones that were on the right. I compiled a list of both to see which side had more, the left or the right.

LEFT SIDE KITCHEN:
The Cosby Show
Hangin With Mr. Cooper
Alf
Family Ties
Sister Sister
All in the Family
Diff'rent Strokes
The Facts of Life
Mama's Family
Just the Ten of Us
The Nanny
Everybody Loves Raymond
That 70's Show

RIGHT SIDED KITCHEN:
Step by Step
Full House
Growing Pains
Family Matters
Boy Meets World
Who's the Boss
The Golden Girls
The King of Queens
Mr. Belvedere

Looks like more kitchens were on the left side, but the strangest thing about every single one of these shows, no matter which side the kitchen or living room was on, they all had a two way swinging kitchen door......

Thursday, April 9, 2009

LIFE: the great bantam plan


Last summer my dad got some chickens. New Hampshire Reds and Plymouth Rock. They grew, he ate some and now gathers a lot of eggs everyday. Now i like my eggs and eat them often but i came to like the smaller ones better. I rather cook up 3 small eggs instead of 2 normal sized ones, why i don't know. As his chickens grew and became better egg layers the eggs also became larger leaving me still wanting the smaller eggs.

Now for my idea. A "bantam" chicken in a small version of a large one, comparable to the miniature versions of dogs, such as the miniature collie or dachshund or min pin. The thing about smaller chickens is, smaller eggs. So i figure i should get a few of these tiny chickens for their eggs. But how? This is where my plan comes in.

If i get a few "banties" i can have the eggs, im pretty sure my dad would keep them with this other chickens, and i sure hope so because thats a major part of this whole plan. If he says he will then i can go ahead and get some. Ill build Tux my rabbit a new and better pen and use his old one for the chicks, which in a few weeks will be big enough to be outside, also the weather will be warm enough. Soon ill have little eggs to eat. This plan might fall through and very quickly i might add. We will just have to wait and see.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

UPDATE: Jay Cutler


Yes, i realize im just adding to what i was complaning about, a lot of talk dealing with Jay Cutler. This just in, Jay Cutler has not responded to 10 days worth of calls and messages from the head coach and the owner of the Denver Broncos. The silent treatment from a professional? So cry baby Cutler had to have his agent call and say he has no desire to play for the Broncos any more, WHAT A BABY! Is his ego that big or his self esteem that low? Either way he is now being traded to some team, everyone is saying there are plenty of teams that will want him. I still don't know what team is THAT desperate.

Mr. 17 wins and 20 losses as a starter MIGHT make a difference in a place like, oh say, Detroit who lost every single game this past year, i mean one will IS an improvement for that team and Jay should be able to get at least ONE win.....right? Oh well, its a good fit for him, they don't go to the playoffs and neither does he! I really cant wait for this season, i hope he loses all of the games he plays, stinks up the field, (more than he has been), and his old team the Broncos go deep into the playoffs. Again, Jay Cutler you are a HUGE baby and this just proves that you're a problem for any organization that takes the chance with you being on their team.

Monday, March 30, 2009

PEOPLE: Jay Cutler, the cry baby


I am so SICK and TIRED of hearing about Jay Culter, i know i know, writing a blog about him just adds to it all but i have to say what i need to say about this major delusional cry baby.

First off, Jay Cutler is the quarterback for the Denver Broncos and has been a big media topic in the NFL so far in the off season. He heard the team was trying to get another quarterback so he acted like a huge baby, turns out they DIDN'T trade him or get Matt Cassel, like they were trying to and he is STILL acting like a big baby just because someone toyed with the idea. Maybe someone like Ben Rothlisberger, Tom Brady, or Payton Manning would be upset with a trade rumor because they have all earned their spot over the years and carry their teams when need be. HOWEVER, Mr. Cutler must not know who he is, who he was or who he will be in the future.

This is no star, this is not a clutch player for ANY team, he is a mediocre quarterback for a 500 team. This isn't John Elway we're talking about here, ITS JAY FUCKING CUTLER! The team apologizes to him and the public saying how much they want him and need him and dont want him upset and he makes it clear there are PLENTY of teams out there that would LOVE to have a quarterback of his caliber and talent. Oh is that so? What team are we talking about here, detroit?? No, they have the first pick in the draft, maybe Oakland? Well Oakland, as bad as they are, BEAT the broncos this year so it doesn't look like they need a quarterback that can't even manage to beat them.

He can act like a big time player like T.O. but lets face it, his playing is sub-par and his stats are less than impressive. I'd like to remind Jay that his team sat at 8-5 with 3 games left in the season, to make it to the playoffs all HE had to do was lead his team to one win, just ONE WIN in the next 3 games. The Denver Broncos lost all 3. Ya know, maybe its just me but if i wanted to pay a big time quarterback or any player for that matter to help my team get to the playoffs, i sure would hope he could win one out of three games to get the job done, Jay Cutler didn't. Also he never took his team anywhere in the playoffs yet so even if you get to them not advancing in the playoffs is just as bad as winning one game all year.

The latest from the whole Cutler crap is that he refuses to report to the off season workouts and now is going to be fined, apparently Mr. Cutler feels he is so good he doesn't have to come to practice. That's fine with me but someone who had an 8-8 season, losing their last 3 in a row, and never even REACHING the playoffs in his 3 seasons, may want to practice just a bit?

Jay was the 11th pick overall in his draft, which in itself is very impressive so its obvious that there would be very high expectations for him, which he has NOT met yet. Even though he hasn't met any expectations from his team, the city, his coaches and im sure his own, he still acts like a super bowl winning quarterback on a super bowl contending team. He is not, so far in his short lackluster career all he has done was proven he is a third rate quarterback who should be working the stands with hot dogs instead of a football on the field.

Jay Culter GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE, there is no reason for you to act like a big baby when you just aren't worth the effort. Why are we even talking about you on espn, as if you were some Brett Favre, (another over rated quarterback but thats another rant). Get your ass to practice because number one, you should be there, and number two, YOU NEED IT.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

MUSICALS: CATS


I went to see Andrew Lloyd Webber's CATS in Baltimore over the weekend. This is the second time that i have seen it on the live stage, so how was it? PHENOMENAL, as always. There is a clear reason why this was the longest running show on Broadway. Nothing beats seeing it in person either, the lights, the sounds, the effects, the songs, the dances, everything was just amazing.

For those of you who don't know the plot to cats, its just basically about....well cats. Poems were taken from T.S. Elliot and made into this musical about a group of cats who join once a year for a very special occasion. At the end of the night, the leader of the cats will choose one very special cat so they may be reborn into a new cat life. The play is about each cat saying why they feel they should be the chosen one or plead a case for the another one they think it should be. I think the play is better if you're a cat person yourself, you'd just get it better. Not to say if you're not a cat person you wouldn't like this show, i think everyone should see it at least once.

I knew all of the songs by heart but i still give them an A plus. The dancers were amazing too, i don't know how people can bend that way or stretch like that but they do and its pretty cool to see so i give them an A plus as well. My seat was great too, not too far back and right in the middle. The theater was nice too so my entire experience was an overall A plus. If you haven't seen CATS yet, do yourself a favor and go. Rent the video first if you are skeptical. I still think this is by far the best musical out there but that is just my two cents.

Monday, March 23, 2009

PETS: UPDATE ON MISSING ROSY BOA

On October 29th 2008 i wrote a blog about my first snake that went missing, my rosy boa named Chac. Well today i feel i have found him at last.

While looking for some boards in the basement i saw what i thought was some kind of sting but a closer look reviled it was a dead snake! Could it be MY snake? Escaped from my room and somehow made it all the way into the basement? I picked it up to look at it, the size was right and shape of the head looks like a rosy boa. Could be another snake but im pretty sure that it was my missing pet snake. I hope it is because its closure that i would have gone for the rest of my life wondering whatever happened to my snake after it got loose.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

PETS: Angel Eyes, the albino dwarf hamster


He was my first albino hamster. I waited a very long time for something like him to come along. His father was Jester Jr. A male that i originally thought was a female, his father was Jester. A male from my very first litter. Crunchenator was his father, the male of my original pair. I remember when he was born into a very large group of 7 babies. As they grew by the day i noticed he was a very light colored hamster. Soon it was obvious he was pure white.

He was white as snow and his eyes were red like fire. Every one of his babies had red eyes. Because they looked like evil eyes and because i like the movie, THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY, i named him Angel Eyes. Angel Eyes lived a very long life. His first litter was three albinos, something close to impossible to produce if you look at the odds and genetics. He never produced another Albino and i didn't keep any from that litter. In his whole life he had 14 babies that survived. I only have one of those babies right now, "Argonaut."

He died yesterday sometime during the day.

LIFE: THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING 09


Well it snowed today. Yes thats right, on the first day of spring. I have decided that this year i am really going to be into fishing. That was pretty random, is that what you're saying? Well i don't know why or how but at some point i became all about fishing. Its early, only being March and all but for the 2 times i've tried, i haven't even seen a fish, let alone caught one. I'll keep you updated with this site, my goal is to catch the biggest fish i have ever caught. That won't be hard, i think the biggest one ever was around a foot long? I won a tackle box on ebay, a great deal i might add and i found a fishing pole at a lake two years ago so i'm ready to go! Fishing is a fun, relaxing way to relieve stress and spend time out doors, i think more people should get into it but thats just my two cents.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

MUSIC: my new song!

I heard my mom talking with my older sister on the phone today and she said, "nothing looks good on a fat person." This made me laugh but i have to agree, well right there on the spot i started to sing a song about that and it was so good i had to write it down and add more than two lines. So here it is, my new song, "Nothing Looks Good On A Fat Person."

Nothing looks good on a fat person, not even a smile.
But what does a fat person have to smile at anyway?
Maybe they're standing in front of the golden arches?
Maybe they're looking in a fun house mirror?
But nothing looks good on a fat person, especially you.

Many fat people eat because they're depressed,
and many more fat people eat because they cant get dressed!
Some fat people wish they were dead,
and many more fat people would eat a goat's head.
Other fat people say they love themselves but who are they kidding?
Not me, not you, not me.

(refrain)

Many fat people complain about their weight,
and many more fat people could never score a date.
Some fat people stuff their faces in secret,
and many more fat people eat with no regret!
Other fat people say you make fun of them because you really don't like something about yourself, but that's just what other fat people and their moms say to make them feel better.

(refrain)

Many fat people can never finish a diet,
and many more fat people will deny it.
Some fat people lie about what they consume,
and many more fat people know what we all assume.
Other fat people would eat roadkill if they could,
lets face it, they do, they do, they do.

So here's to you fat people, keep on living your short life, here's to you fat people,
you're smothering your wife! Go on fat people, do what you want, Go on fat people,
how do you guys use the toilet?

Saturday, February 21, 2009

TV: Late Night with Conan O'Brien

Well i just finished watching the very last episode of Late Night with Conan O'Brien. This show first aired in 1993 after David Letterman left for his own show in a new time slot and new channel. Over the last 16 years i would tune into Conan because i was always ensured a laugh or two or three. For years i have said between him, Jay Leno and David Letterman, Conan was the best on tv. I still believe that. He will now replace Jay Leno on the Tonight Show, following in the footsteps of the great Johnny Carson.

I'm glad to know that this isn't really good bye, but just a see you later. Sure the show wont be the same, Conan cant get away with a lot of the things he said or did in his new time slot but its still Conan and he really made the program. He used to write for SNL, when it was good, and he wrote for the Simpsons. He was an unknown that was given a shot and for 16 years he did a better job than a lot of more qualified people who tried to do the same thing.

A lot of shows have come and gone in the past 16 years. In fact what other show has been on for as long? The Simpsons, probably my favorite show of all time. Both wonderful shows and Late Night never got the recognition it deserved. The famous Chuck Norris jokes started on Conan's show, did you know that? Triumph the insult comic dog was also from that show along with many more pop culture type things that go unknown.

Any fan of the show knows this is the end of an era. When i would watch Conan it would take me back to the early 90's with the same jokes and characters that i loved back then. All of the great shows of the past have come and gone, they are all there now but one. The Simpsons. Once that show goes off the air ill probably stop watching TV altogether really. Its sad for me in a lot of ways.

I just want to say, Thank you Conan for making me laugh and smile night in and night out for the last 16 years, and although you'll have a new show you will always have my support. Conan O'Brien is clearly the best host of a talk show on tv right now and he has been for 16 years, but thats just my two cents.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

LIFE: the little toe

I just want to rant a bit on the little toe, or the PIGGY toe if you will.

I don't like you very much. Its true, and i wont lie to you, i think you're pretty USELESS. What are you for? I mean, honestly. Is it just me or is the little toe always the one you hit off of a corner? It hurts so bad, how can something so small hurt so much when hit? Its also hidden when wearing most types of sandals making it look as if you only have 4 toes, thats just embarrassing. I can remember staring trying to see if a person has all of their toes, turns out the piggy toe was just hiding like a pansy ass loser. Even in that stupid, "This little Piggy," poem it has the worst part, CRYING wee,wee,wee all the way home. Also whats up with that toe nail, if you can call it that. Its hardly even there, its all misshaped and deformed and some times it doesn't even need to be cut, HOW does that happen? Someone tell me how it doesn't grow like the others? Then when you actually try to clip it, its almost impossible. Little toe, you SUCK. You are by far the worst of the toes and the thing that really gets me is....I HAVE TWO!!! We would all be better off if that toe was off of our foot but thats just my two cents.

PETS: my female SHTCT leopard gecko




I realized i never made a post about my first leopard gecko! My female Super Hypo Tangerine Carrot tail!

She doesnt have a name, i got her as a hatchling from the Altoona Petco in June of 07. I didnt know if she was a boy or girl at the time because it takes a while before you can tell, so i never decided on a name and since then i still cant! I hate not having a name for a pet of mine, naming my pets has always been a problem. Its such a big deal i can never deal with it. I thought about Slyth, Mondo, Slater, all cool names but more boy names than girl names. When i finally knew she was a she, it was too hard to come up with a name. I threw around the idea of Allura.

I didnt handle her for the first 6 months that i had her. I didnt want her to drop her tail, as they will do when frightened. Babies are really skittish too. So, not stressing her out, i left her alone for much of her teenage life. One day i moved her into the 20 gallon long tank my turtle had been in. (she ran away from home) Then, on Christmas of 07 she was standing trying to climb the sides of the tank, she cant because leopard geckos cant climb vertical surfaces, but nobody ever told her that. So i reached my hand in and she crawled right onto it! Ever since then i have taken her out to hold, she will climb on my arms and hands and even shirt if you let her. She couldnt be a friendlier gecko. She doesnt like to be touched on her back though, that is one thing she doesnt like. Im going to try to breed her to Flare in the spring time, she slows down in the winter time.

PETS: Flare, my newest leopard gecko


I thought I'd write an update on Flare, my newest leopard gecko.

I got Flare at the Cheswick Reptile Show in Pittsburgh back in January. So i've had him for about a month now. Flare is a, "sunglow" male leopard gecko. Sunglow, or hybino as its sometimes called, is the albino version of the Super Hypo Tangerine Carrot Tail leopard gecko. (Hypo meaning very few spots, Super meaning no spots, Tangerine being the orange color and carrot tail is when orange starts at the base of the tail and goes out onto the tail.)

I was told he was about 3-4 months old, i dont know how you dont know which, but either way hes around 5 months old now and he is huge for his age, there is good reason for this though. I was told he has the genes to be a giant. (Giant leopard geckos are 100-150 grams in weight.) His mother was huge and his father was big as well so i hope he is a giant because i did want one. His colors, as you can see, are amazing. I love the white underside and orange body. He has cute little white feet and i think the pink on his tail is such a cool color too. Believe it or not his brother was at the show and he cost more and was even more colorful than Flare is, but he was also older. The breeder told me Flare was going to only get brighter as he grows up.

I plan to breed Flare to my unnamed female Super Hypo Tangerine Carrot tail later in the spring. Did i mention Flare is het RAPTOR? (RAPTOR is Red eyed, Albino, Patternless, Tangerine, ORange.) So together they can produce some pretty cool babies, and IF Flare turns out to be giant then the babies will carry the giant genes as well. So i will keep you all updated on this new leo of mine!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

LIFE: THE SUPER BOWL

Well looking back on my predictions for the NFL season, i was wrong in a few places, and spot on in others. I did get the Super Bowl wrong, but come on, this season was a very crazy season that was probably the most unpredictable season the NFL has had in recent memory.

Im happy to say that Pittsburgh Steelers have made it to the SUPER BOWL. This Sunday they will face the Arizona Cardinals, yes i said Arizona. Who would have thought it? NOT THIS GUY! In fact, i thought Detroit had a better shot than Arizona. Oh well, i suppose they earned, even if they are a 9-7 team that had 3 of the 5 worst teams in the entire NFL in its division, and so what if they next closest team in its division had 4 wins? The point is, you make it to the playoffs and ANYTHING can happen! And it did...

So finally the Steelers have gone back to the Super Bowl, i know, they were there 3 years ago but the Seahawks are my second favorite team and that was just no fun to watch, it really was a bitter sweet win for me, very tough to enjoy. BUT THIS YEAR...oh i wont hold back, finally i can enjoy a Super Bowl since, well ever! 95 was a great Super Bowl but the Steelers lost so it wasnt that great in the end, this year i expect a lot.

So in closing, congrats to the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Arizona Cardinals, they both are winners and AFC and NFC champs and nothing can take that away. I just know i will really enjoy this super Sunday but thats just my two cents.