Wednesday, October 26, 2011

TV: THE NEW DALLAS

So I just found out that Dallas will be returning to television. Oh no, not on CBS where it originally aired, but now on TNT. I didn't even know TNT was still around but I guess it is.

Now I know what you're thinking, this show will suck. Well let's just hold on and take a second to think about that. It is true that when a tv series run it's course its best just to leave them in the past, however there has been an 80's renaissance recently of 80's movies and shows. Again, I know what you're thinking, but they ALL SUCKED. Yes they did, I won't mention the new movies that blew goats worse than the farmer down the road, yes I will. The Dukes of Hazzard, the A-team, the smurfs are just a few movies that did horrible and were horrible and the people who made them should FEEL horrible, about as much as the suckers that went to see them. ( I didn't watch any of them) But what about the tv shows? Again all terrible, such as the new knight rider, the new He-man, and the new Thundercats. So why would I be excited about a new Dallas?

Well that's pretty easy, the reason why those movies and tv shows sucked is because they changed so much about them, not just the cast but the music, the setting, and the plain attitudes of the shows themselves. It isn't the 1980's anymore and the people remaking Dallas have that in mind. Instead of recasting or just plain coming up with their own idea and calling it by an old familiar and well-known name, they actually are just continuing the story.

J.R. Ewing, Bobby Ewing and Sue Ellen are still on the show, now old and with their own kids grown up. J.R., Bobby and Sue Ellen are still played by the same actors, Larry Hagman, Patrick Duffy and Linda Grey. If the show tried to recreate J.R. or Bobby or just act as if they never existed, the show would have been a terrible waste of time BUT with including old story lines, old characters, the SAME house and setting of Dallas, I think this show may actually have some potential. John Ross and Christopher seem to be the new focal point of the show, which makes perfect sense because when the show ended in the early 90's they were small boys, now they are grown up and taking over the family oil business. As we know TV dramas are flourishing right now so there is a good shot this could make it. Its new and exciting for a new audience but still has that old Dallas charm that many of its old viewers, (like me) will be tuning in for.

Check out TNT's first look. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d220ZdzdFTQ

The only thing that could ruin this show at this point would be redoing the amazing theme song. However TNT used it in their commercial so I have a good feeling they will be using it. The new Dallas is coming in the summer of 2012 and I can't wait, but that's just my two cents.

Monday, September 19, 2011

My Orange Trees

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aztyFse89mc See the video!

I decided to plant a few orange seeds. Turns out, this CAN be done and often is, even in our cold climate of PA. Not sure how often it's done this time of year but I can't help it that I just got the idea a few weeks ago.

If you put the seeds in a wet paper towel and then put that in a plastic ziplock bag, they will start to grow tiny roots, then its time for dirt. You can also peel off the seed covering, which I did, to help the process go a bit faster.

I put the seeds into a paper towel on the 2nd of this month, the 18th I put each one into their own small cup of dirt. The very next day 2 of the orange seeds sprouted! Yes, I said sprouted! I couldn't believe it myself, in fact I didn't even think I was looking at little sprout but a closer look revealed the truth, the seedlings had come up!

Only time will tell if these little guys will continue to grow and even more importantly, make it through the tough cold winter months ahead. I would love to have a bunch of little seedlings to take outside for the spring time sun and warmth.

Growing these seeds so far has been really fun! Orange trees, lemon trees, and lime trees make great house plants and I suggest you try growing them yourself, but that's just my two cents.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Michael Vick, why I DON'T hate him



Michael Vick, if you do not know, was the quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons NFL football team. He got into some trouble for dog fighting, owning, running, and breeding, he then went to jail for this crime. After a few years he has been let out of jail, paid many fines, and is still doing community service for his crime of dog fighting. He now plays for the Philadelphia Eagles and many people still boo him and curse his name, saying he shouldn't be allowed to play in the NFL ever again for his dog fighting crimes. Well I don't agree with that view.

This man served TIME IN JAIL for a few dogs fighting each other. This man PAID FINES, and I guarantee a millionaire is going to pay a lot of money. This man DID AND DOES COMMUNITY SERVICE for that crime. He also had to pay back the Atlanta Falcons 19.9 MILLION dollars. How much more do you want? He said he was sorry, he NO LONGER does dog fighting and now just wants to get his life back on track and yet you still say, he doesn't deserve it? Why not? What more should he do? What else can he do? He obviously can't take back what he did in his past. He just wants to move on and better himself, how dare anyone deny him this. What happened to second chances? He only gets one I take it?? What happened to learning from your mistakes? (no matter how stupid) He is proof that our system works for rehabilitating convicts or don't we care about that? How much money would tax payers have to pay to keep a man in jail compared to him out of jail and making money, GOOD MONEY?

Don't get me wrong, I have a problem with people who torture animals and I hate to hear about it and I think it's wrong. However I came up with a list of crimes that I find way worse than dog fighting and here it is!


Murder

Rape

Wife beating

Child sexual abuse

Child physical abuse

Child neglect

drunk driving

Voluntary Manslaughter

Child pornography

armed robbery

drug dealing

drug use

kidnapping

arson

burglay

Fraud

assault

identity theft

forgery

Racketeering

counter fitting

extortion

insider trading

embezzlement

tax evasion

vandalism

shoplifting

Then I suppose Dog fighting, followed by cock fighting and then jay walking. So next time you go to bad mouth Michael Vick, let's remember there are far things worse than a few dogs fighting and killing each other and a man who paid his debt to society and is trying to better himself. But I guess you hold the right to not forgive people? I certainly do not approve with what Michael Vick did, but it's time to let it go. That's just my two cents.

The Gentleman Bandit, 3rd most prolific bank robber in U.S. history, friend of my mothers....

My mother had her 40th graduation reunion tonight. Although nobody mentioned it, the most famous and most successful member of their graduating class was not there...he had been shot to death in a shootout in 1987 in the middle of a bank robbery.

Melvin Dellinger was in my mom's group of friends and I've heard about him my whole life. Not a lot of people can say their mother was friends with a real live bank robber, but I can. He was very hard to catch because he was so smart. My mother always said how intelligent he was. He robbed 27 banks in Colorado alone before he was shot to death, how cool of a way to die is that?! He was known as the gentleman bandit because he was well dressed and very polite during his robberies, often apologizing to the tellers as he robbed them at gun point.

When it comes to bank robbers in U.S. History, including the old west, Melvin ranks 3rd all time, which is pretty good. Not getting caught helps I'm sure. My mom always told me how he was dating the English teacher's daughter. Once they decided to run away together and they stole her parents car, they drove really fast until the gas ran out and so they didn't make it far. With all his potential, somehow Melvin ended up in armed robbery. He robbed banks in Colorado, Minnesota, Washington, New York, Missouri, and Indiana. They believe there may have been more that were unknown. In October of 1987, on the 7th, Melvin decided to rob a bank in Denver, he already had robbed it once before and got away with it, I suppose he felt he could do it again.....he was wrong. The Gentleman Bandit met his end in a heavy gunfire from the police. A note in his pocket read, "My wife knew nothing about this. Please tell her I'm sorry. Thanks."

History happens everyday and sometimes the people we call friends go off and become famous. Who would think a 1971 graduate from little Williamsburg PA would become a nationally known bank robber? Not my mom who said, she would have never thought he could do such a thing.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

NFL picks

Well here they are yet again. Every year since i was a teenager i've picked the outcome of the regular NFL season, believe it or not, i've actually guessed the super bowl correct once. Here are my preseason picks!

AFC North
Pittsburgh
Baltimore
Cleveland
Cincinnati

AFC South
Houston
Tennessee
Indianapolis
Jacksonville

AFC East
New England
New Jersey
Buffalo
Miami

AFC West
San Diego
Oakland
Kansas City
Denver

NFC North
Detroit
Green Bay
Chicago
Minnesota

NFC South
Atlanta
New Orleans
Tampa Bay
Carolina

NFC East
Philadelphia
Dallas
New York
Washington

NFC West
Seattle
Arizona
San Fransisco
St. Louis

This wasn't an easy year to pick but my predictions are, no Manning, no success for the colts. The dream team won't live up to the hype although with Vick they will do well. The Jets will not win the AFC championship as they have been trying for the past two years in a row. Green Bay was a flash in the pan last year and the Steelers will be one of the best teams in the NFL. Detroit will earn respect and will have the best season in their last 20 years, but that's not that hard to do. Buffalo will start to climb out of the basement but in such a tough division they can only go so far. I will review this post in December and see where I stand then, after all these are just predictions and you never know what's going to happen throughout the year.

Friday, August 26, 2011

8 SIMPLE STEPS TO BECOME A MIME

Aspiring mimes want to know, how do I become one of those color blind mute unfunny cousins of the clowns? Well it's easier than you think! Just follow these 8 simple steps and YOU TOO can become a street preforming idiot!

Step 1: Decide if becoming a mime is right for you. Do you have any talent? Are you interested in normal things? Are you in a relationship? Are you smart? If you answered yes to any of these you are NOT mime material. If you must be a mime make sure you don't want to be a clown instead, this is a common mistake by most pantomimes, yes that's the correct actual term for these zebra dressed street preforming silent clowns.

Step 2: Ditch your colors. Mimes wear two colors, white and black. (please don't give me any crap about white and black not being actual colors) If you wear ANY color other than white and black, you are not going to make it as a mime. Black and white, especially stripes and berets are the only things you should be wearing. If you don't look like a mime you won't feel like a mime. (Keep that in mime.)

Step 3: If only wearing white and black wasn't enough, and apparently it isn't, you'll also have to get used to wearing white face paint. If you are Irish odds are your face is already white enough so go ahead and skip to step 4. If not, you'll want to cover your face in white paint or makeup. Looking at a picture of Michael Jackson is always helpful, (Note: only after 1990).

Step 4: Stop speaking. Mimes do not use their voices, no matter what. This won't be easy especially when answering the phone or being called on in class, but this what you have to give up to live the dream so it's worth it right? Keep in mind people will hit and kick you when you're on the street and it won't be easy to keep your mouth shut, but keep your mouth shut you must.

Step 5: Practice makes perfect, but how does one practice on invisible imaginary props?? By using REAL objects, that's how! Many people don't know this, but there are no actual invisible objects, it's all pretend. Trap yourself daily in glass boxes and try to find ways out by touching the sides over and over again. Tie a rope to something large and heavy and pull it each and every day. Climb to the top of a ladder that goes nowhere, get a huge fan and try to walk into the wind, lean on walls, and just mimic the people around you. (WARNING: you're gonna get hit)

Step 6: If you've made it this far congratulations, you are on your way to becoming a mime! Mimes preform only in the streets due to the fact that nobody would hire them to do their stupid act in any sort of building. You'll need to get used to being on the street, sidewalks, in crowds of people and in front of popular buildings and nice fountains. Spend as much time as you can outside on the street, it will toughen you up for the difficult times ahead. (Keep this in mime.)

Step 7: Balancing the budget is very important for today's busy pantomime on the go. Keep in mind you'll be VERY poor because mimes don't make a lot of money. Every now and again you might get paid to leave the area you are preforming in or kids may throw change at you. A good mime can make close to a dollar a day. Eat a lot of Top Ramen soup because that's pretty much all you'll be able to afford. It is for this reason that all mimes are so skinny, fun little fact for you. (Keep your money on your mime and your mime on your money.)

Step 8: You're all ready to go out into the colorful world of being a mime! Good for you. Now to find your own turf. Choose a spot free of jugglers, street magicians, street gamblers, acoustic guitar playing hippies, any kind of real street musician, anyone with a puppet, and above all else, OTHER MIMES. Mimes are very territorial and the last thing you want to do is get into a mime fight. (You don't want to lose your mime.) Find a spot that gets a lot of people traffic and has enough room for you to get noticed.

Well there you go, if you follow these 8 simple steps I'm sure you will become a mime....for some reason. I hope you make it and if you do, please don't stop doing what you love, after all, a mime is a terrible thing to waste.




HOW TO TELL IF YOU HAVE AN UGLY BABY

Well someone out there has an ugly baby, you're probably thinking, NOT ME!!! Well then who? It's true that every mother and father love their baby and believe that its cute and adorable and precious but the simple fact is, THERE ARE UGLY BABIES IN THE WORLD. So how will you know if your baby is ugly, surely you won't think so and no one is about to tell you what a hideous baby you have (even though they all talk about it behind your back) so what's the answer? I'll teach you the 4 fastest ways to tell if you have an ugly baby.

Way 1: The Reaction. A good way to determine if your baby is ugly is by other people's reactions. They won't come out and SAY it's ugly, but they'll give away their true feelings if you pay close attention. When seeing an actual cute baby people say right away, "What a cute baby!" or "How cute!" or "He's soooo adorable!!!" Be careful and listen if your baby is ugly their compliment won't come out so fast because their mind needs time to register a fake compliment that they can pass as true to trick you, the stupid parent of an ugly child. It will sound more like this, "Ohhhhh....my, what a little guy you have." Notice the slight hesitation at the very beginning of the comment. This isn't as easy for some parents to recognize, but don't worry, there are more ways.

Way 2: The Alternative Compliment. Compliments aren't always true, often people lie right to a parents face to avoid an ugly situation, pun not intended. These are nice people and they are just being polite. Sometimes a person just can't lie, so they do something more sly, they give a compliment that ISN'T a lie. If a person comments on your baby's outfit or tiny shoes or stuffed toy.....you probably have an ugly baby.

Way 3: The Fuss. This is probably the most noticeable way to tell if you have an ugly offspring. Look around the room when you are in a place with many people. Is there a crowd around your baby making a fuss over it? If not it's probably because it's an ugly baby and they could care less to waste their time on it. How long does the crowd stay to make a fuss over your baby, a few minutes or hours? The less time spent on your baby the more likely it is that you have a baby nobody wants to make a fuss over. An even better way is if there is more than one baby there, are they making a fuss over the other baby? If so it's pretty obvious why.

Way 4: Ugly Plus Ugly Equals Ugly. You love your spouse and that's wonderful, but let's be honest, if they are ugly, odds are you are also ugly and if that is the case, odds are even better that your baby is also ugly just due to the fact that you both are ugly people. Many kids are just ugly by default, it is a genetic thing and nothing you can do about it.

So if you have read all 4 ways and you now fear that your baby is ugly......it is. Having an ugly kid isn't such a bad thing, after all you found someone to have sex with so if your baby grows up to be an ugly person there is still hope for them! Besides, you love your baby no matter what it looks like and isn't that the real point? Keep in mind that most babies are ugly at first and turn into adorable little kids so don't give up hope so soon you pessimist.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The 2011 East Coast Earthquake

Well today is a day I won't soon forget. Today I was in an earthquake. This isn't my first earthquake, I experienced many of them in Alaska but I don't remember any. So this is my first earthquake that I could remember.

I was in my office building, not doing work, and all of a sudden I felt shaking. I felt things like this before, especially if someone is moving around furniture on the floor above me, but not quite the same, this was much more movement and it lasted much longer. I remember someone asking what was going on and I said, this building is definitely moving. Then I remember someone asking if it was an earthquake. I thought of this too, but we don't usually get them here in PA or on the east coast, not big enough to feel anyway. I started to wonder about the building falling down, after all it wasn't built to withstand an earthquake. I got up to head for the door because I thought if it was falling down, I would try to make a run for it instead of being buried alive. Then it stopped and we were all talking about it and what had just happened.

With use of the internet we soon knew it was in fact an earthquake! I was the first person I know to post it on facebook, many, many posts came after mine, but I was the earliest. Being in an earthquake was kinda cool, no one was hurt and my house didn't fall down so there were no draw backs to this one, but that's my two cents.

Friday, August 19, 2011

ART: Fun with Negatives

I took some pictures using my Imac's camera, one of the effects they have on it is called "X-ray" here are some of those shots.




























Thursday, August 18, 2011

Interview with a clown

You know many of us hate clowns. They aren't funny, they aren't cute, and in some cases they are down right terrifying. So I had to find out why clowns choose to be clowns or perhaps....it isn't something they choose? I sat down with a real live clown to find the answers YOU all want to know.

Andrew: Hello, please have a seat mr.......?
Clown: Chuckles, my name is Chuckles! *annoying clown laugh*
Andrew: Please don't do that again.
Clown: Oh come on! Its funny, I'm a silly guy!
Andrew: That's your opinion. Now for the questions. Mr. Chuckles, tell me, what on earth possessed you to become a clown? One of the top most hated AND feared creatures on this planet?
Clown: Well....when you put it like that......Look, I enjoy making people laugh, and I love to see kids smile, as a clown, I can do both of those things!
Andrew: Really? Do you realize you also FRIGHTEN small children and the elderly?
Clown: Only a small percentage of people are afraid of clowns Andrew.
Andrew: I doubt that stat Mr. Clown, in fact can any of us name ANYONE that even likes clowns?? Hell, I'd even say CAN STAND clowns?
Clown: Ronald McDonald. Need I say more?
Andrew: Oh those kids don't go for the clown, they go for the cheap toys and bad food and you know it. But the real question is, why the make up? Are you hiding from something?
Clown: The face paint makes us look funny and happy, its all for the fun of it!
Andrew: I see the hidden painted up face of a KILLER.
Clown: Hey now....there is no reason for that, one movie was made where a clown was the killer and we are all looked down upon for it, that's not fair.
Andrew: So then why all the bright big stupid looking clothes? Is a painted face and big colorful wig not enough of an attention getter that you have to also make up special clothes too?
Clown: Again, it's all for fun, I don't see why I have to defend myself here, I'm not on trial.
Andrew: Not yet you're not but with pants that big somebody could easily hide A MURDER WEAPON IN THEM!!! AH HA! ADMIT IT!
Clown: I have no idea what you're talking about and quite frankly I think you need help.
Andrew: Is that a threat??? Did we get that? Him threatening me??
Clown: This interview is over! I'm out of here jackass.
Andrew: Run away from your problems, just like a mime.
Clown: ...........you go too far with that one sir...........
Andrew: Well the clown is now a sad clown and he is leaving. But behind the make up and the red nose and the afro wig and the big stupid pants and the over sized novelty shoes there beats the heart of a confused individual, and a cold blooded murder as well. Clowns give us absolutely no reason to like them or even keep them around and yet....like cockroaches, they just won't go away. Maybe someday society will stand up to these colorful bastards and force them back into the wild but in the meantime we will have to sleep with one eye open, but that's my two cents.

Life: Little Known Charlie Brown Facts....


We all know and love the Peanuts characters, but here are some little known facts about the timeless comic strip...

The piano song that everybody recognizes as the peanuts theme is actually titled, "Linus and Lucy" but less well known is that song's original title was, " The Hooray Hitler is Dead Rag"

Snoopy is a beagle and beagles are not white and black but Charles M. Schulz was color blind and honestly thought all beagles were only black and white.

Charles M. Schulz did name Charlie Brown after himself, he also named the character Pigface after his wife. To avoid suspicion, he changed the name to Pigpen.

Lucy was arrested for unlawfully giving out psychiatric advice without a license. She was also sued for malpractice.

Schroeder actually could play the piano, however years of his hunched over approach to playing left him with a horrible case of scoliosis, one he never recovered from and left him paralyzed for life...he did write a song about it though.

Many people speculated that the last comic of the Peanuts series would see Charlie Brown finally kick that football, Charles M. Schulz made several variations of the final comic. The final comic did NOT have Charlie Brown kicking the football, but in one of the versions Charlie Brown savagely beats the living crap out of Lucy after she pulls the football away, getting revenge from years of torment with the old football gag.

Charlie Brown's teacher always sounded like a muted trumpet. The reason for this is because Charles M. Schulz had an elementary teacher who had a stroke, he always found new and inventive ways to make fun of her but never as good as the joke he put in every Peanut cartoon about her disability.

Charles M. Schulz, being a homosexual himself, decided to make the first gay cartoon character. Even before Velma from Scooby Doo, and way before Snaggle Puss, we had Peppermint Patty and Marcie.

Lucy was named after a highschool sweetheart of Charles M. Schulz. The editor of the peanuts comic strip forced Charles to change the spelling of her name because he refused to allow the original, "Loosey" into the news papers.

Charles M. Schulz believed in the Great Pumpkin himself, since he was a pagan. Unknown and unmentioned in other movies, Charles also worshiped, in addition to the Great Pumpkin, The Holy Potato, The Wonderful Watermelon, The Magical Mango, The Amazing Asparagus, The Uncanny Kumquat and Dr. Pepper.

It's a well known fact that Charles M Schulz hated cancer patients. To make fun of them on a weekly basis he made Charlie Brown bald.

And even though its not a Peanuts fact.......

Gary Glitter's song "Rock and Roll part 2" was a sequel and is better known around sporting events as the popular, "Hey!" song. Gary Glitter followed it up with another sequel known as the, "What?!?!" song.








Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Pets: We Remember Tux


Well my bunny Tuxedo, Tux, as we called him for short, died today. This picture was the last taken of him, in early Spring Tux was enjoying the warm weather and sun. He was born June 24th 2007.

I got Tux several years ago for the purpose of showing him at fairs. He was the best overall in his litter but I never had the chance to show him, which is too bad because I'm sure he would have won something at some point. Tux was named after his black and white pattern, he was a black otter mini rex rabbit, and his father, "Hershey," was a champion winning a Best of Show.

Although I never showed Tux, it didn't matter, he was a good bunny. He loved carrots and he loved apples. In the spring time he couldn't wait for that first blade of new grass, which he also loved to much on. The little neighbor boy would come over to see him and give him treats. He also loved to chew on apple wood that I would give to him from our apple tree. But he loved his rabbit pellets the most, and only his certain brand, otherwise he would turn up his nose to it.

Tux loved the cold weather and snow. Anytime it snowed he would be out on the little "deck" I made for him outside his hutch. He would lay there and watch it snow and he would lick up the snow as it gathered in his pen. If you caught him enjoying the first snow fall of the season, you would get to see him hopping around his pen in excitement.

One night in the early fall time I came into the kitchen at 2a.m. Usually I would turn on the kitchen light, but for some strange reason I left it off and walked towards the window that looks out into our backyard and where you can see Tux's pen. I saw a dark figure in the yard and thought it was a neighbor dog, but as I looked closer I saw it was a deer. I never saw a deer that close to our house before. It was a doe with her baby and they were eating apples off the ground. I could see Tux running back and forth in his pen, standing on his hide legs and putting his front paws on the wire sides. (This is what he would do when I or anyone else would come to see him or feed him.) He thought the deer were his friends. And they, not being one bit scared of him, enjoyed a few apples before moving on.

Tux was by far the softest bunny I had ever felt. His fur was like velvet, he was a mini rex and that's what the rex's are known for, their extremely soft fur. It's what made me want a rex in the first place. He would let you pet him as he ate and I would play with his ears and scold him for all his tick marks, (the random white hairs outside his pattern, the only negative thing he had for a show rabbit).

Tux will be missed, and not just by me. The woman I bought Tux from was a major breeder and shower of rabbits. She too died earlier in a car accident. I used to send her random emails every year with pictures of Tux, I'm sure she appreciated it. Rabbits make wonderful pets, they are small, quiet, affectionate, and easy to care for. As far as rabbits go, Tux was the best. Tuxedo, 6/24/07 - 8/17/11


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Movie: DIRTY DANCING'S ALTERNATE ENDING


Sometimes I wish certain scenes in certain movies turned out differently. Although I can't remake a movie, I CAN rewrite the scene according to how I would like to see it. Tonight I'll rewrite the famous ending scene of Dirty Dancing so that it fits more accurately to real life. This is MY take on the famous, "nobody puts baby in a corner," line.

*Patrick Swayze enters and marches up to the Houseman table*

Jonny: "Nobody puts baby in a corner.........come on."

Jake: "WO, WAIT A MINUTE....excuse me?? EXCUSE ME??? Nobody puts baby in a corner?? Who the hell do you think you are marching in here like this and just declaring who does what to my daughter?? I'M HER FATHER!!! I'll put her where I damn well please, ESPECIALLY IN A CORNER! She is only 17, she isn't even legal! I'm a rich doctor and you're clearly a pedophile, need I remind you that YOU have already been fired from this cheap ass resort and I could have you escorted off these premises?"

*Jonny clenches his fists and stares with a furious rage as Jake gets up from the table*

Jonny: "You don't realize that your daughter is just trying to rebel against you because you are so damn stuffy that you're controlling every part of her life!"

Jake: "NO SHIT SHERLOCK! I'm her father! She is a stupid teenager, no 17 year old knows whats best for them even though they all think they do! By the way, I am a DOCTOR, I think I made some pretty good decisions in my life time, so don't sit here and tell me how to raise my daughter, it's none of your damn business! You don't even have a job! The crappy job you did have, BEFORE I GOT YOUR ASS FIRED, was just some lame dance instructor at a summer resort, big money in that! God you're stupid. .........What's the matter Jonny, you look like you want to HIT ME? Is that what you're gonna do big man? Hit a snooty old guy in the face? I hope you do, you little snot nosed prick, then I can press charges against you, get a restraining order on you and while I'm at get you on statutory rape charges because MY DAUGHTER IS UNDER AGE!"

*Jonny looks at Baby*

Jonny: "You're not worth it, what am I thinking?? You're only 17 years old....."

Baby: "NO JONNY, I LOVE YOU!!!"

Jonny: "Love? I just met you a few weeks ago, damn you're needy. You know what...I'm sorry Dr. Houseman, you're right, I'll leave your daughter alone."

Jake: "You're damn right you will. And as for YOU, you get your little slut ass in the car, we're leaving before any members of the kitchen staff take a shot at you."

Baby: "I HATE YOU DAD, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!!!"

Jake: "Oh please, cry me a river, you're just an emotional teenager that has mistaken puppy love for the real thing, trust me sweety, I'm your father and I care about you, this jerk is no good for you, I mean come on, Jonny Castle??? I doubt thats even his real name! This is all for your own good."

Jonny: You haven't seen the last of me!!!

Jake: "Give it a rest Jonny, if I catch you near my daughter again I'll make sure you get more than fired, I'll make sure you go to jail which is where you should be right now anyways. I'm still disgusted that you two tricked me into paying for that botched abortion but I'll let that slide as long as you never come near my family again, NOW GET IN THE CAR."

THE END

Sunday, August 14, 2011

TV: Teen Mom, Farrah, the idiot



If you have watched MTV lately, you know that not only does it NOT have music on it, but it has a lot of crap on it. The show Teen Mom is just one of those shows. Glorifying teenage pregnancy is not the best idea for a channel that is targeted towards stupid teenagers, but I guess that's kind of the point isn't it? Also it's good for ratings right? One such moron mom on the show, Farrah, lets her stupidity stand alone as she takes the cake for being an idiot. Let me prove this point several times over.

First off this is not the first season of Teen Mom, and since the first season Farrah and Maci, another teen mom have both had breast implants. Way to go girls, using the money MTV gave you for the show on your looks, nothing says low self esteem and poor self image lik
e getting a boob job before the age of 18! I'm sure raising a child as a teenager is so easy that they didn't need that money for anything other than plastic surgery.

To Farrah's credit the father of her child died before she could even tell him. So she has to raise a daughter all by herself, and that is not her fault and I can't blame her for that. However, getting pregnant in high school is not why Farrah is a moron...but it doesn't help her case.

First of all Farrah has enrolled in culinary school, not stupid yet. She then says that it's time to check her grades and, "If my grades aren't good enough, I won't pass." Really Farrah? You had to clarify that for the viewers? Since first grade that's how it has worked but thank you for making sure we all understood how school and grades work. Idiot.
In the most recent episode Farrah decides she should get a puppy because, a puppy is like having another kid but probably easier to take care of. (this is according to Farrah.) If you think this is a bad idea you'd be correct HOWEVER there is more to the story. Farrah says her mother wouldn't approve of a dog, so she won't tell her. WONDERFUL LOGIC FARRAH!!!

Now hold on a minute, Farrah may only be a teenager but she does live on her own and raise her child somewhat on her own too, so getting a dog is up to her and that should be just fine! Right? I actually agree with you HOWEVER, the thing is....Farrah's mother is also her landlord! And the landlord said no dogs, soooooo....just hide it from your momlord? Good idea Farrah, after all, how long can a dog live?? It will only be about 14 years of hiding an animal in your mother's house. This idea is full proof!!! Idiot.

So Farrah goes to pick up a new puppy and when asked what kind of dog she is looking for, Farrah tells them she wants one that can fit in a bag. Don't freak out, this isn't how she plans to take it home, she just wants to be more like most idiots, such as Paris Hilton. Haven't heard that name in a long time? Then I apologize for bringing it up.

Well Farrah gets the dog and says, "I'm happy I got a puppy but I know my mom won't approve, so I'm not going to tell her." Well again Farrah is out there making good decisions. Then Farrah, who can't take care of herself, let alone a child, let alone a dog, let alone herself, takes the dog home. It's about at this point when Farrah realizes the dog needs to go to the bathroom. Now comes the true idiot proof if you aren't convinced yet.

Farrah actually takes the puppy to HER bathroom, actually holds it above the toilet and actually says to the dog as it dangles in midair, "Go potty.........go potty...........go potty, can you go potty? Do you need to go potty?" This isn't her joking around, she was actually trying to potty train her dog, good for her. Ya know it's the dog that surprises me, Farrah uses PLAIN ENGLISH and tells that dog to use the HUMAN TOILET, that is in the BATHROOM, right after she ASKS the dog if it has to go. What a stupid moronic dog!!! Farrah must have bought the only retarded puppy of that litter. So Farrah then tells the puppy that she took the dog to the potty and it didn't go potty there, so it is a bad dog for going on the carpet. What an idiot dog.

Farrah then puts the puppy in a crate because as she tells her daughter, "Doggie was bad, doggie went on the floor, we don't let doggie do that ever again." Oh good, most dog owners will tell you that their puppies only ever had ONE ACCIDENT in the house when they first got them too. I'm sure that talk you had with your puppy helped it understand not to do that anymore. Farrah then says, "Taking care of a dog isn't as easy as I thought." Really? How bout as easy as taking care of a child? Idiot.

So Farrah then tells her kid not to tell her mom about the dog because it isn't good enough that she is a liar, she has to turn her daughter into one too. Good thing her daughter is so young all she could say over and over was, "DOGGIE!" Farrah's mom isn't as dumb as she looks and she starts to wonder why her granddaughter keeps saying the word doggie.

Well Farrah's mom eventually does find out about the new puppy but doesn't freak out, although she does say she thought they agreed that there was to be no dogs in the house. I'm sure Farrah paid attention to that talk as she did when her mom had the safe sex talk with her.

By the end of the episode Farrah's dog still hadn't learned to use the toilet. Farrah gets to keep the dog, (for now) and continue her life as an idiot teenage mom, and that's my two cents.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Pluto, no longer a planet

So scientists now say that Pluto is no longer a planet. What a kick in the nuts for poor ol' Pluto, am I right? It makes me wonder what else they can just downgrade like that? I've taken the liberty to change the formal status of certain things myself. Please note the following changes to your daily lives, as we had to do with Pluto...

Friday is no longer a weekday, it is now part of the weekend.

Red is no longer a color, it's a number.

"The" is no longer a definite article, it's a verb.

Spoons are no longer silverware, they are now dishes.

Drums are no longer percussion instruments, they are now woodwinds.

Dogs are no longer man's best friend, they are just acquaintances.

Europe is no longer a continent, it's an ocean.

French is no longer a language, it's now gibberish.

Whales are no longer mammals, they are fish.

Roses are no longer flowers, they are weeds like dandelions.

Superman is no longer a super hero, he is just an alien.

Beef is no longer what's for dinner, it's what's for breakfast.

Apples are no longer fruit, they are now known as tree fetuses.

Skin is no longer an organ, it is now a piano.

Beer is no longer an alcoholic beverage, it's now soda.

The Navy is longer a branch of the military, it is now the coast guard.

Harvard is no longer a university, it's just a day care center.

Baseball is no longer a sport, it is now a sedative.

Y is no longer a chromosome or sometimes a vowel, it's only a letter.

New York is no longer a state, it's a city.

New York is no longer a city, it's a town.

Guns no longer kill people, people kill people.

Cheers is no longer filmed in front of a live studio audience.




Friday, August 12, 2011

My Pez Collection



My Pez collection started in 2004 with a Sylvester cat, 3CPO, an Ewok, a Yoda, and Spider man that I had from when I was younger. I then purchased the 4 Incrediblesdispenser set that was the most current out and my how my collection has grown!

With a grand total of 453 pez dispensers, with 46 of them being duplicates (more than one of the same pez, example, I have two penn state football pez dispensers). Many of these I bought on my own, a few were gifts but very few, I think I can count on one hand how many were given to me. Most come from stores but a lot come from ebay.

Collecting Pez has been around since the 1950's when Pez came out. Originally they were mints for smokers but soon became candy and aimed towards kids. I have some rare and expensive pez dispensers but which one is my favorite? It's hard to say, like many parents
with their kids, there is always a clear favorite but honestly I'm not sure I have one.

Pez, in my opinion, makes one of the best things to collect for these reasons.
1. They are cheap, costing only a dollar or slightly over.
2. They can be found almost anywhere, from all kind of stores to the internet to garage sales.
3. They appreciate in value, every single one of my dispensers costs more than the day I bought it, and that's nice to know.
4. They have been around for so long that there is always something to look for and always a good challenge to find certain ones, while at the same time quite easy obtaining new ones!
5. There has never been a better time to start collecting Pez, Pez has come out with more new series of Pez dispensers in the last few years than they ever have, with no end in sight, there will always be something to collect!

Pez make great gifts and are fun to collect. I've always wanted to have a collection and throughout the years I have tried, but in the end Pez really is the best thing to collect, but that's my two cents.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Blast from the Past: FABULAND LEGOS



In the early 80's my mother returned home from her symphony's European tour and she came bearing gifts.....

In 1979 Lego introduced its "Fabuland" line of legos, these legos were to become the go between from duplo to legos, they targeted girls and boys in a very specific age range. Fabuland characters were animals that had people bodies. The bodies looked very similar to the common modern lego man body but it was thicker and wider and the head was much larger, still able to stand and sit on real lego blocks. This was an awesome feature because they could be used with real lego sets and blocks, unlike the Duplo sets where you had to have ONLY Duplo stuff. Each animal had a specific name which was kind of cool, although there were several different kinds of cats, for example, they each had a different name. The one in a blue shirt that came with a fishing pole was called Cornelius, and we had him. My mother brought home the set of a panda and a monkey that came with a cart for them to ride in back in 1985.

I remember the monkey but we have no idea where he is to this day. I still have panda, old and worn out with his joints very loose, I always held a special place for this unique lego toy in my heart and back when I played with legos, Panda was always the old patriarch of my lego city. We had Elmer the elephant and Cornelius Cat and at one point I had Clover Cow but they weren't held in such high regard as the old European Panda.

The idea was to make a tv show and clothes and much more with Fabuland characters but it never happened and in 1989 they stopped making the Fabuland line. The only place to find Fabuland legos today is ebay. I think this was a great idea and a wonderful transition for kids to move from the big bulky Dulpo sets to the tiny detailed world of Legos. I know its probably what got me started into Legos, since I was only 3 when I received Perry Panda and Chester Chimp. (now i know the names thanks to http://www.fabuland.net/ )

Lego should really reconsider coming up with another Fabuland line or one like it to help get the younger kids into Legos, but that's a Lego lovers two cents.

Summer Movie Reviews

Well after an entire year I decided to start blogging this blogging blog for all you blogging bloggers out there! To start off I will review The Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

So yet another Planet of the Apes movie, WAIT, before you walk away please understand Tim Burton didn't have any hand in this movie! Ok, now that you have sat back down let me tell you a little about it.

If you are a big fan of the old movies then you just may hate this movie, but you may also give it your approval, as I have. We don't need to discuss Tim Burton's pile of crap, it doesn't count, shouldn't have been made, and is one of the funniest movies ever made, I feel bad enough even having to mention it. Seriously Tim Burton, when is the last time you made a movie that did well at the box office??? Don't start saying stuff about willy wonka or alice in wonder land, they flopped even if you did like them.

SPOILER ALERT FOR THOSE WHO DIDNT SEE THE ORIGINAL MOVIES...

So the Rise of the Planet of the Apes is technically a prequel to the 1960's movies. In it, we learn how the Apes will someday take over earth. What we know from the old movies is that one day apes will become our new favorite pet and then our new favorite slaves until one fateful day one of the apes will speak a word, the word, "no." The new movie held true to this little fact, and I was expecting it throughout the movie, however they put a twist of the whole pet story.

In the movie we are testing drugs on apes to see if we can get the brain to develop cells and repair itself, thus having a cure for such things as Alzheimer's. Not only do the apes show an increase in brain cell repair, they show a massive gain in intelligence. This is the problem for the humans. The first story had Cornelius and Zira's son Caesar, already being able to speak, as the main ape that led the revolt against the humans.

One such ape, Caesar, which may sound familiar to us because it was the character played by Roddy Mcdowall in the early 70's, is an ape that was born to another ape that showed improvements. Hidden by the doctor at his home, Caesar grows and develops intelligence that far surpasses normal apes. You can figure out the rest from here.

This was a good movie, as good as the original? Well to be fair it isn't a remake and it isn't an addition to the story, its more like a prequel to the idea of the movie. But it definitely is worth a watch. At the end of the day it has many monkeys going crazy and smashing stuff with their patented chimp yells, and isn't that worth it right there people?? Maybe and maybe not but thats my two cents.